Black-cab drivers are to be forced to forget the knowledge and instead use either a sat-nav or just drive around in circles like a twat hoping to finally stumble on their destination, according to new legislation announced by the Government.
David Cameron warned that climbing into a taxi whose driver had some sort of fucking clue about the best route through the city during rush hour had no place in today’s digital age.
“We don’t want the market stifled by road map memorising cockneys. It’s not fair on Uber or their directors. Neither is it fair on us, with our almost fetishist obsession with dismantling British institutions. So we’ll be issuing severe penalties to any drivers who blatantly remember the knowledge or draw on years of experience in driving around London. In serious cases we will withdraw their licenses until they stop knowing their way around and start driving around like a fart in a trance.” He explained.
Under the proposed legislation, licensed cabbies will be forced to take a test to ensure that they have not one solitary clue how to get from Liverpool street to Fulham Palace Road. Each will be required to take a taxi to the test centre themselves to prove that they haven’t somehow navigated themselves there under their own steam.